Wednesday 6 February 2019 by Lucas Wilde

“Special place in Hell for Brexiteers” turns out to be Milton Keynes


milton keynes

The people who campaigned for Brexit but with no plan how to execute it will be sent to Milton Keynes when they die, according to reports this afternoon.

Following Donald Tusk’s suggestion that there is a “special place in Hell” for Brexiteers who ran the Leave campaign without having so much as a snifter of a plan, many believed the mid-tier Bond villain was speaking figuratively.

“But nope, here we are,” confirmed Simon Williams, a prominent Leave campaigner who materialised in the Buckinghamshire town shortly after being hit by a double-decker bus.

“It really is rubbish here. You can tell it was built by committee. It’s nothing but roundabouts and mid-tier eateries like Pizza Express, and it’s always grey.”

“That might not sound so bad but bearing in mind the life enjoyed by rich people like me who can go through Brexit without fear of the consequences, it’s absolute agony.”

“I understand they filmed Superman IV here. God knows what Christopher Reeve did to deserve that, he’s the last person I’d imagine warranting a trip to hell. Maybe he kicked a dog on an off day.”

Longtime Milton Keynes resident Derek Matthews told us, “Oh. Really? That actually does make sense. I’ve been convincing myself this place is great, losing endless hours wandering around the shopping centre surrounded by miserable looking people.

“You can live here forever and still get lost trying to leave town thanks to the god-awful road layout.

“It’s been staring me in the face for years, this is actually the bad place.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: