First person to stop applauding Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech duly shot in the face

author avatar by 5 years ago

The first person to stop clapping at the end of Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech has been shot to death, as per the President’s policy.

Simon Williams, a relatively junior White House staffer, clearly felt that forty seconds was a generous enough round of applause.

“How wrong he was,” sighed Jay Cooper, a journalist who was standing next to Williams, as he rinsed the blood and brain matter from his face.

“Poor Simon. He was quite new and I don’t think anyone told him how things work around here.

“That policy has been in place for a while now. At first it was a shock, but, as with all things Trump, there’s not a lot to be done except roll with it and hope he gets voted out in 2020.

“Simon stopped clapping and I got as far as “oh my God keep cl-” before a secret service agent blew his head clean off.

“It’s a shame for his family, obviously, but to be honest, I’m more pissed off that it’s ruined this brand new suit.”