Local man Simon Williams is really going to get into the spirit of the Year of the Pig by dedicating the next twelve months to capitalism and male chauvinism, we can report.
When Simon told friends of his plans for the coming Chinese year, they asked him how that differed from how he acts pretty much all the time.
“That’s not true,” he told us. “I’m very traditional in my observance of the Chinese calendar.
“For example, In the year of the rat I was careful to cheat on my girlfriend as much as possible, and in the year of the horse I spent loads on those special pills they advertise on dodgy clickbait sites – not that they had any effect.
“And this year I will work to emulate piggish qualities by accumulating as much money as I can and making the sort of comments to women where I can claim I was just joking around if she gets mad.”
“Phew, love, I bet you don’t get many of them to the pound,” he added.