Monday 4 February 2019 by Arabin Patson

Theresa May rebukes EU for official document calling the UK a “dank shithole full of cretins”


Theresa May rebukes EU document

The row between Britain and the EU deepened following the publication of a document claiming Gibraltar was a colony and Britons were “by and large turnip-farming racists.”

Simon Williams, communications director for Number 10, explained that the Prime Minister had demanded in the strongest possible terms that the EU change its official nomenclature.

“We insist that the EU use less loaded terms. Gibraltar should be referred to as a crown dependency and the British electorate as low-information segregationists.

“We would also be grateful if our passionate Brexit process not be called chaotic, deluded, self-destructive or fucktarded beyond belief.”

The EU hastily apologised and assured the UK that future documents would be drafted in a way that would factor in British sensibilities.

The press statement explained: “We deeply regret that our wording upset Mrs May. We will make sure to be more sensitive to your needs. Gibraltar will be called whatever you want until you are forced to give it to Spain. As for those clever clever people who voted for Brexit, we love them and deeply respect their intelligence.

“We also love your food and your beautiful seaside resorts like Blackpool. That’s why we smile so much when we talk about you.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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