Oh just let the Brexit rioters kill me, says tired and fed up Queen

Her Majesty the Queen has instructed her staff to let any rioters do what they want because she’s had enough.

Amid reports of plans being drafted to evacuate her to safety in the event of rioting after Brexit, the Queen has told palace staff not to bother.

One close confidant of the Queen, Sir Simon Williamsby-Toffington, told us, “Her Maj is not on board with plans to evacuate her to safety, let me tell you.

“For a few reasons: Firstly, Philip would also be evacuated to the same secret location, and the thought of being couped up in a safe house with him without the option to hide in one of several hundred rooms would drive her insane.

“Secondly, she’s just too tired to care anymore. She’s ruled Great Britain through many trials and tribulations, and to be honest, she is a bit bored. If some peasants want to try and storm Windsor Castle or Buckingham Palace then at least it would be interesting.

“Thirdly, she’s even told me in the past that if she was killed by rioters then it wouldn’t be a bad way to go – being lynched by members of the working classes dressed in all their JD sports or yellow vest finery would certainly stand out in the history books.

“A lot more interesting than passing away peacefully in her sleep, eh?”

There are rumours that Queen Elizabeth II has her fastest horse standing by to give the revolting peasants something to chase, but has instructed Philip to try and outrun the rioters in his car.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt