Saturday 2 February 2019 by Davytoast

Theresa May ‘stuck in a time loop’, being forced to make the same Brexit offer over and over again


Theresa May Groundhog day

Theresa May keeps waking up to find Parliament is forcing her to make the same Brexit offer every day.

So far Theresa has tried thousands of different ways to break the loop, including standing parliament in front of an oncoming train, trying to kill Boris Johnson and David Davis’ careers, and loading her and Jeremy Corbyn into the same vehicle and driving them off a cliff.

However, when she wakes up, she finds exactly the same story about deadlock on the Today Programme all over again.

“She’s going to have to keep doing this until she gets the perfect Brexit or forever, whichever comes first,” we were told.

”We’re not sure how she came to be in this situation – possibly she was cursed by some villainous, pencilnecked Victorian wizard, or maybe she’s just been asked to achieve the impossible and reconcile at least six contradictory points of view.

“Having to keep telling John Humphries the same thing over and again despite knowing it’s futile must be some sort of personal hell.”

When asked how negotiations are going, Theresa May replied “I’ll give you a Brexit prediction. It’s going to be cold, it’s going to be grey & it’s going to last you the rest of your life.”

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