Train crew across the country are working from home today because the conditions outside make getting to work a bit tricky.
With literally millimetres of snow on the ground in some parts of the country train drivers and train managers have decided to work from home today.
“It’s just not worth attempting to get in, is it?” said train driver Simon Williams.
“Today’s technology means I can do 90% of my job from the comfort of my living room.
“I can cause cancellations by being part of an absent train crew; I can virtually sit in the cab of a stranded train while drinking actual coffee and eating actual doughnuts.
“If called upon I could even go on strike over pay and conditions. So why struggle through the snow and ice?
“Anyway, I couldn’t get to the station if I wanted to – the buses aren’t running cos none of the drivers have turned up. Wankers.”
Train Manager Sarah Edwards agrees.
“No, I can’t be there in person to check tickets,” she said. “But it doesn’t matter because the stations will just close all the barriers to prevent ticket-less platform access.
“And I can apologise to customers remotely via Skype.
“The only thing I can’t do from home is lock and unlock the train doors. But that’s okay cos none of the trains are running.”
A spokesman for all train companies said, “Allowing our staff to work flexibly is extremely important. Compressed hours, part-time shift patterns and the ability to work remotely are all very much a part of the future.
“We’ll therefore be getting rid of formal timetables – customers are advised to listen to station announcements.
“Or better yet, to work from home.”