A ‘hard no-deal Brexit’ is the best option for Britain and the experts claiming it will inflict devastating harm on the economy are definitely wrong, insists a complete fucking moron this morning.
“Brexit means Brexit, and that means my very specific requirements for Brexit,” insisted Brexit supporter Simon Williams.
“None of this namby-pamby soft Brexit we’ll get with some version of Theresa May’s deal.
“We voted to leave the EU, and therefore the government must implement the very specific vision of Brexit that I have thrown together in my head after absorbing everything ever said by Nigel Farage and Jacob Rees-Mogg.
“I haven’t heard anyone mention building a wall yet – why aren’t we building a wall? Is this even really a Brexit at all if there isn’t a wall? Everyone knows my specific version of Brexit requires a wall.”
A leaked report has shown that a poorly-prepared for hard Brexit could cost the UK £66bn a year, or almost 10% of GDP, an amount that Williams described as ‘nothing major’.
“It’s all just numbers,” he continued,
“And you can make anything look bad with numbers if you want to – and the people behind this report clearly want to make Brexit look bad, hence using those big numbers. I bet they were bloody experts.”
Financial analyst Derek Matthews told us, “There are two types of people who loudly advocate for a no-deal Brexit, the very rich and the very stupid. If you’re not sure which one you are, take a look in your wallet.”
Williams concluded, “This isn’t about how well off everyone will be afterwards – it’s about taking our country back, you know, from the foreigners, and if the country is fucked into the stone age in order to achieve that aim, then I’m fine with it.
“Never forget, we won, so it doesn’t matter what you think.”