Thursday 17 January 2019 by Lucas Wilde

John Prescott to thump an MP every hour on the hour until Brexit gets sorted


John Prescott to sort Brexit

Westminster has taken to emergency measures.

The Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, took up his emergency hammer this morning and advanced to a glass panel which read “in case of utter fuck-up, break glass to release Lord John Prescott”.

“Big John immediately came out swinging. The speaker had to duck out the way,” confirmed journalist, Simon Williams.

“Then he immediately went right after Jacob Rees-Mogg and thumped him right in the back of the head. It was quite something. The lanky sod was laid out cold.

“Then he spotted Boris Johnson and yelled ‘come ‘ere you big, blonde bastard’ and gave chase across Parliament square, before catching up to him and setting to work with his fists.

“Michael Gove made the mistake of trying to intervene. They found his glasses a MILE away, which is more than can be said for his teeth. Heh heh.”

Lord Prescott commented “RAHHHHHH!

“Get this fuckery sorted out or everyone’s for the fist! YES ANDREA LEADSOME EVEN YOU, SWEETHEART, DON’T TEST ME.”

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