Wednesday 16 January 2019 by Grant Slessor

Zombies left hugely offended by comparisons to Theresa May’s government


Zombies

Following Jeremy Corbyn’s denouncement of the ‘zombie government’, leading zombies have objected to the comparison to May’s government and are demanding a public apology.

Chief Zombie Simon ‘Braaains’ Williams confirmed in a statement today that “it really is just lazy stereotyping to suggest that with the grey pallor, shambling gait and a barely restrained urge to kill everyone in the immediate vicinity makes Theresa May anything like our members.

“We are a modern, diverse group of undead and many of us look much healthier than her. Plus we wouldn’t have cocked up Brexit. Anyone with half a brain, or a mouthful of someone else’s brain, could have done a better job.”

Given his apparent recent reanimation, we asked Mr Williams whether Jeremy Corbyn is, in fact, himself a zombie. To which he responded “God no. He applied, but we binned his application. Not nearly enough life in him. And a weird smell of cabbages.”

The vampire community are expected to respond to recent Michael Gove comparisons shortly.

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