Thursday 3 January 2019 by Dan Sweryt

Sales of CDs slump after no-one has any room left in the garage


Boxes of CDs

Sales of CDs plummeted by 23% last year, as consumers realised there’s no more space in the garage for little plastic boxes that they have to climb over to find.

CD aficionado and 90s nostalgiac, Simon Williams, said, “Just 32 million CDs were sold in 2018, which is about the same amount that is in my garage, meaning I could never listen to them, while my car sits rusting on the driveway.

“There’s nothing more convenient than realising I want to listen to that Inspiral Carpets album, having to get up, get dressed, spend 25 minutes looking for the keys to the garage. Realising those are not the right keys for the garage. Finding the right keys and wondering why my wife left them there. Opening the garage, climbing over the single-use DIY stuff, moving a load of old toddler toys that the kids used long before they left for university, finding the box of Christmas decorations that you KNEW were there, which are on top of the heavy box of DVDs, which are on top of the even heavier box of books, which is the box that’s on top of the box of CDs for artists beginning I to K.

“Opening the garage, taking absolutely everything out to get to the box of CDs. Then opening the box and sifting through them all, as they’re still inexplicably in alphabetical order before, finally, FINALLY realising that you never bought that CD in the first place and had borrowed it off a mate.

“I mean, obviously, nowadays I just press a button to listen to my stuff now, or mumble something to Alexa while sitting in my pants.”

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