Weight of the average jogger goes up by three stone overnight

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Sports scientists and statisticians are reportedly ‘baffled’ today by a sudden increase in the weight of the nation’s average jogger, which has risen from 12 stone 10lb to over 15 stones overnight.

Simon Williams, a leading sports statistician working on behalf of the Sports Council, told us today that he hoped that the increase would be a temporary spike and that joggers would strive to lose the extra pounds by next month.

“I collect data every month from the first 100 joggers who run past me in Hyde Park and have been shocked to see the difference between the last lot of figures and the ones that I collected just yesterday.”

“Apart from the three stone increase, many were struggling to breathe properly, three were eating a McDonald’s breakfast wrap and one was sick on a swan. It’s most unusual.

“I’m all for people enjoying Christmas, having a mince pie and an extra sherry or two, but to have gained more than three stones in a month is careless to say the least. We do normally see an increase, but not at this level.”

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However, Mr Williams did have some good news for those who have piled on the pounds over the festive period.

“What I can conclude,” he continued, “is that jogging definitely helps you to lose weight, as figures year after year show that, despite an increase in the weight and fitness of joggers, gym goers and speed walkers in January, they are usually back to their normal, fit selves by February.

“Although, inexplicably, it seems to take longer to count them.”