I have also started a new shipping company with no ships, can I have a £13.8m government contract?

Starting a shipping company without the need to own any ships is extremely easy, according to the thousands of people wondering if the government will give them a £13.8m contract.

After Seaborne Freight, a newly registered company with no ships to its name, was given a lucrative ferry contract to help with post-Brexit planning by Transport Secretary Chris Grayling, many other companies have popped up in its wake.

Simon Williams, chief executive of Williams Shipping Limited, told us, “Yesterday I was a junior accountant for a local manufacturing company, but today I am chief executive of a firm that has exactly as much shipping experience, and as many ships, as Seaborne Freight.

“As such, I would like Mr Grayling to give me a contract to help them after Brexit. I will take anything upwards of five million.

“I don’t want to be accused of perpetuating further Brexit stereotypes, but if the government is going to start desperately throwing money at ill-equipped companies in the vain hope that it will stave off the worst effects of Brexit, then I want a piece of the action.”

When questioned about his business plan for his new shipping enterprise, Williams said it was simple.

He explained, “My plan? Get money from the government ministers too dumb to know any better. That’s about it, to be honest.

“Brexit might well end up being a bit of a shit-show, but who cares? I certainly don’t, and if Chris Grayling ever answers my call I’ll have a couple of million in the bank by then.”

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