May and Corbyn clash over what kind of economic collapse they would inflict on the country

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Labour and the Conservatives have presented starkly contrasting vision of what kind of Brexit recession they would choose for the nation during a tumultuous session of parliament yesterday.

Labour MPs such as Amanda Tinnock fanned out in the lobby to talk to journalists about Jeremy Corbyn’s plan for the destructive economic shrinkage that would occur soon.

She explained, “Jeremy will make sure this will be a recession for the many, not the few. We will nationalize the food banks and distribute free oil drums for street braziers. Our party is inspired from an illustrious socialist tradition of ruling over failing economies. Unlike the Tories we will put all our resources into doing one good thing really well. Like free university tuition up to PhD but you’ll have to queue for margarine. That sort of thing.”

Ms Tinnock’s claims were dismissed by Conservative spokesman Simon Williams.

He said, “We all know the Conservatives are the natural party of recessions. The people voted for unnecessary poverty and only we can deliver it. Theresa May is the first Prime Minister in our nation’s history to willingly cause economic shrinkage. Who would you trust with your national destitution? Pie-in-the-sky militants or the very people that caused it?

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“We will go back to being a proud industrial powerhouse that makes young children with tuberculosis work for 14 hours a day and a chap from even a minor public school can afford 3 live-in servants.”

The SNP did not comment, citing an emergency meeting to design a new passport for a future Scottish Republic.