Jacob Rees-Mogg has launched a furious attack on the weather forecast, saying that its predictions of rain are just hysterical overreactions put about by pro-wet weather civil servants and that people should just leave their brollies at home and simply hope it doesn’t rain.
“I looked out of my window this morning and saw no evidence of inclement weather,” said the popular Dickensian character.
“So, I think that rather than believe these dire predictions of rain coming in later, I will continue to place my faith in Great Britain and the people of Great Britain and look forward to a day of delightful, sunny weather.
“These so-called weather forecasters have an appalling record. Why, only yesterday they claimed that the winds would pick up in the late-morning, whereas it was during lunch that I noticed the servants’ bonnets being blown off.
“They really have no idea.
“So, I say to Britain, leave your umbrellas at home. In fact, throw them away. With a little self-belief in this great country of ours, I’m sure we can look forward to many rain-free months and years ahead.”
Mr Rees-Mogg was later seen keeping an unbrella at his side as protection should the worst happen, though he denied this made him a hypocrit.
Voter Simon Williams said, “He owns a hedge management firm, who I’m sure have lots of umbrellas, so he’ll be fine whatever happens.
“It’s almost as if he’s so far removed from the consequences of the risks being highlighted that he literaly doesn’t care if he’s wrong.”