Mars lander fails to locate David Bowie

author avatar by 5 years ago

Music fans claim the $830m cost of the mission was a ‘complete waste’ after it was revealed that not only has the inSight lander not found David Bowie, there are no real plans to even look.

NASA rejected claims that the Starman is waiting in the sky, saying that if he wanted to come and meet us it was really up to him and not within the scope of the mission’s parameters.

The space administration went on to insist that it’s quite a long way to Mars, the whole thing was very expensive, and you wouldn’t be able to afford a ticket, but fans of the singer responded that the stars are never far away.

“He even said in his last message to humanity – ‘Look up here, I’m in heaven’, but now we’re there too it turns out there aren’t any instruments aboard sensitive enough to be reduced to tears by the plaintive wail of a guitar,” said professor Simon Williams, head of AstroBowology at Kettering University.

“All they had to do was programme the spaceship to float in a most peculiar way – which given that it would have been doing pretty much that anyway doesn’t seem that big an ask.

“Is there life on Mars? He could be dead, he could be not. I think not, and we only have to open the door.”