Friday 9 November 2018 by Chris Ballard

Cash refusing to be touched by Tommy Robinson


Tommy Robinson, paypal, cash

Banknotes and coins have told former English Defence League leader Tommy Robinson that he will no longer be allowed to handle them with his grubby racist hands.

Further to the news that PayPal has stopped handling payments for Tommy Robinson, cash has now followed suit.

“Cash is generally very dirty but we still have some standards,” said ten-pound note Simon Williams.

“If you knew how many germs were crawling all over your wallet you’d probably avoid cash-in-hand jobs and take your chances with the taxman.

“However, even we will no longer tolerate being touched by the toxic racism and hate that oozes out of every pore of Tommy Robinson’s body.”

The tenner went on to explain that this decision had not been taken lightly.

“The cold hard cash community prides itself on its principles of diversity and open-mindedness,” he said.

“Bear in mind that some of the evilest people in history have handled cash – Ian Brady, Peter Sutcliffe, Tony Blair – they’ve all bought a drink with a fiver at some point in their lives.

“But enough is enough. If Tommy Robinson won’t stop demonising entire cultures then we cannot implicitly support him by respecting his right to buy food, clothing and other basic goods.

“There are alternatives to both cash and online methods of payment. Tommy could always exchange cigarettes or sexual favours for whatever sustains his poisonous view of society.

“If there was any justice in the world he’d actually be spending most of his life in an environment where such transactions were pretty par for the course.”

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