“I thought food and medicine appeared because of food and medicine fairies” admits Dominic Raab

author avatar by 6 years ago

Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, Dominic Raab has admitted that he thought supermarket shelves and hospital medicine supplies were stocked by magical “pixies and fairy folk”.

Speaking at a tech event Raab admitted he “hadn’t quite understood the full extent of this” when referring to frictionless trade between Dover and Calais, believing it had all been happening by ‘magic’.

Mr Raab said, “I am a strong and passionate proponent of Brexit, and I believe it must happen because I have staked my entire career on it, but I must admit, I was very shocked to find Brie isn’t made by Brie fairies from the mysterious magical woods near each supermarket and shop, only visible to those they allow to see.

“Its the same with medicines. My private doctor has always been able to just prescribe them by writing a special letter to the pharmaceutical pixies, who then fly them to a dispensary in time for me to pick them up, or so I thought.

“I found out just today that stuff is made by foreigners across the big river between Dover and Calais where they talk in secret languages indecipherable to British patriots.

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“This isn’t the magical production line I had believed existed for so long, it’s witchcraft and just another reason to leave the demonic EU.”

When asked about the very real dangers that people could die from shortages of medicine, Mr Raab said, “People may die, but that is a risk I am willing to take. Think of all the British pixies and fairy folk who have been put out of work. Let’s get back to making Britain great again.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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