Friday 2 November 2018 by Chris Ballard

Sports minister somehow surprised to discover Tories a bunch of lying bastards


Tracey Crouch resigned after learning Tories are lying bastard

Tracey Crouch has resigned as Sports minister after belatedly realising that Conservative politicians are not known for putting the welfare of the public above the interests of the financial backers.

Despite being a Tory MP for eight years Tracey Crouch has only just found out that her Conservative colleagues don’t always keep their word.

Ms Crouch resigned as Sports minister yesterday after plans to cut maximum stakes for betting machines were pushed back to autumn 2019.

Her resignation indicates that she was genuinely surprised that the Conservatives don’t really seem to care about the problems caused by gambling, particularly in poorer areas.

Financial ruin, mental health problems and even suicide are all sad facts of life in a world of poorly regulated fixed term betting terminals. However, MPs with ties to the betting industry obviously don’t give a shit about that sort of thing.

“Ms Crouch’s resignation is really quite remarkable,” said political analyst Simon Williams.

“It’s like living in a nest of vipers for a decade and then suddenly waking up to the fact that they’re all a bit bitey.

“Even before becoming an MP Tracey worked for Michael Howard – a character so slippery he wouldn’t admit to being a vampire if you asked him fourteen times in a row.

“And then she worked in the office of David Davis – someone who as Brexit Secretary was supposedly working in the best interests of the UK but who did his very best to hide just how bad Brexit would be for the country’s economy.

“It’s not as if she’s been mixing it up with pillars of integrity is it?”

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