Donald Trump, Fascist Monthly’s Man of the Year, and actual US President, yesterday appeared visibly tumescent as he proposed the murdering of unarmed asylum-seekers who throw stones.
In his latest attempt to convince a country founded on immigration that immigration is bad, Trump proposed that when a caravan of asylum-seekers from Latin America reach the border, anyone throwing stones should be considered as using a firearm, betraying an ignorance of the nature of both firearms and stones.
However, such was his excitement at the thought of brown people being shot that he achieved and maintained a tiny erection for several minutes.
“Yeah, it was pretty hard to tell,” said one reporter who witnessed the incident.
“But definitely when he started talking about murdering asylum-seekers, you could see this tiny little tent at the front of his pants. You know, like there was a little mushroom guy trying to escape or something.
“He got a bit frustrated when it was explained these people walking to the US border are currently as far away from the US as New York is from Miami – which is quite a long walk – thinking it might be a while before some of them can be shot.”
Melania Trump, America’s First Trophy Wife, was seen staring at her husband’s crotch like she’d never seen it do that before.
It is reported that Trump, after discussing tough men shooting unarmed asylum-seekers for several minutes, abruptly ended his speech and rushed to the bathroom.
He emerged a few short minutes later seeming visibly more relaxed.