I did a whoopsie and made everyone poor, says multi-millionaire George Osborne

author avatar by 6 years ago

Former Chancellor George Osborne, who is the millionaire beneficiary of his Daddy’s trust fund, has publicly admitted to not doing enough to prevent the people of Britain being economically fucked by Brexit.

Speaking on the BBC’s Newsnight George Osborne said he regretted not doing enough to explain the benefits of EU membership despite being a prominent figure in the Remain campaign.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said to the British people through mouthfuls of caviar. “But I’m sure your financial prospects will pick up after fifty years or so.

“I suppose in hindsight it might have been a good idea to explain how millions of UK jobs are linked to EU exports and how the net benefit of EU membership is worth around £70 billion per year. But I guess we forgot.

“We should have described how being a major player in a strong regional institution can give us a level of international influence we’ll never have again.

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“We should probably have extolled the benefits of cross-country coordination in the fight against crime and terrorism, shouted about how British travellers are safer as EU members and can, for example, access emergency healthcare anywhere in the Union.

“What we should have said is that a referendum was a terrible idea. What we actually said was ‘Let’s further our political careers by appeasing the Eurosceptic members of our party!’ Whoops!

“What we should have said was that well-managed immigration helps an economy to grow. What we actually said was, ‘Argh, foreign people! Soon there’ll be no air for us to breathe! We must apply these incredibly tough immigration targets!’

“Well, I suppose my fellow Remainer Theresa May should really bear the brunt of the blame for that last one – after all, she was running the Home Office at the time.

“Whatever did become of her?”

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