Post-Brexit border problems won’t affect me as I get everything up the road at Tesco, insists Brexiter

Potential border issues and the associated problems importing and exporting goods won’t affect Simon Williams after the keen Brexiter insisted he gets everything he needs from his local Tesco.

With new border controls required in the event of a no-deal Brexit unlikely to be in place by March 2019, government officials are now warning that consumers may “pay the price” for the lack of preparation – a suggestion strongly refuted by Williams.

He explained, “Why anyone is buying all that foreign muck from abroad, I’ve no idea. It’s just not how a true patriot goes about his shopping.

“There’s absolutely no need to go overseas when we have everything we need right here.  I was in Tesco last night, and did you know they now make Spanish tomatoes – right there up the road – who needs the EU and their costly imports!

“Tesco does everything I need, and more, and it’s a twenty-minute walk or a five-minute bus journey.  All this talk of borders and queues and lorries parked on the M25 is just project fear.

“If you are stuck for something, just head to the local supermarket.

“Most of them even have a pharmacy where you can get anything, so don’t listen to those doom-mongers telling us we won’t be able to get medicines – they’ve got everything in there.”

The manager of his local Tesco told us, “Yeah, we all know Simon. It’s about this time of year that he starts accusing anyone not wearing a poppy of being in ISIS.

“We’ve tried explaining to him the complexities of a delivery network that spans most of Europe and the far-flung corners of the globe in order to put those fresh bananas in his hand – but he doesn’t get it.

“Probably best to just let him live in blissful ignorance, the truth will only upset him.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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