This feathered dinosaur thing is bullshit, says everyone over thirty

author avatar by 6 years ago

People who grew up with proper dinosaurs are unwilling to accept all this feathers crap that scientists are now coming out with.

Simon Williams loved dinosaurs when he was a lad. He had them all as action figures – T-Rex, Triceratops, that one with the big club on its tail… brilliant stuff!

According to Williams, anyone who insists on telling him that dinosaurs were basically giant chickens can ‘fuck right off’.

“Dinosaurs had better designs than any other line of toys,” said Simon.

“They all had their own unique abilities and special powers – spines, horns, speed, strength. Some were good at defence, some strong on the attack…

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“They were so flawless that if you didn’t know better you’d think that these monster stereotypes were simply being perpetuated by commercial interests trying to sell toys and movies.

“In their perfection dinosaurs basically proved the existence of God.

“And now these so-called ‘scientists’ want to spoil the party by talking about feathers and how they evolved into birds! What an absolute load of old bollocks. Haven’t these people seen the 1925 version of The Lost World?

“Dinosaurs were clearly grey – or possibly brown – and they were all made out of plasticine.

“At least Hollywood still has the right idea in sticking to the classic reptilian aesthetic – change is bad!

“Let’s just keep things as they were when I was a boy; dinosaurs were leathery, kids TV peaked as an art form and it never, ever rained.

“Oh, I think I just realised why people voted for Brexit…”