The Prime Minister of the soon to be dis-United Kingdom has today promised that her country’s withdrawal from the European Union will be a success, just like all the others never would be.
Brimming with ill-deserved confidence, Theresa May announced in an editorial in The Sun that a Brexit deal was ninety-five per cent complete, like all she has left to do is complete an end of level boss in order to set Britain on a path towards a glorious but isolated future or something.
“They call me the ‘Brex Panther’,” she told MPs in the House of Commons today with a wink, “because sixty per cent of the time leaving the EU works *every* time, and I’m the woman to make it work.
“True, no other countries have left the European Union, but every time they might, it would work out in sixty per cent of those cases.”
She went on, “Anyway, so we are ninety-five per cent of the way there.
“The other five per cent comprises merely the trivial matters of the Irish border, the final divorce bill, aviation and transport links, our future role with regards to international crime, medicine supply lines and potential post-split trade negotiations.
“But I’m sure I can sort those out on the day before we officially leave next March.”
I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!