‘Highly skilled workers are of utmost importance’ says Prime Minister with no discernible skills

author avatar by 6 years ago

Theresa May today selflessly promised that Britain’s borders would be open to any foreign workers post-Brexit, providing that they had the skills that Britain needs, despite putting her own position at risk with such an announcement.

The news is said to have alerted potential Prime Ministers across the world, in particular, those who are able to negotiate, communicate effectively and not continuously look like an incompetent twat.

Pierre Picard, a French boulangerie owner from Paris, told us that he would be interested in the British PM role.

“It is an incredible gesture by Mrs May to open up her position to ze world like this and I am sure that I would be just the homme for the job.

“I managed to talk Jacques, my bread supplier into giving me three extra baguettes last week and my customers think that I’m fantastique. Obviously, being French, I might struggle with ze twat thing, but two out of three ain’t bad.”

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Apparently there has also been interest from Russia, North Korea and even America, although most commentators agree that the latter option would be a poor choice, citing the security risks that would accompany it as ‘unacceptable’.

Although there is still a theoretical age limit as to who could take which job, once the borders are opened, some are calling for this to be lifted, following an Indian Primary School being able to match ‘numerous five-year-olds’ with most senior UK cabinet positions.

However, should Brexit be delayed for just three months, Mrs May could have a chance to hang onto her position, providing that she passes her NVQ level 4 in Politics, which she is due to complete in June.