Monday 1 October 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Sexy Boris Johnson Halloween costume now on sale


Sexy Boris Johnson

Women looking to sex it up this Halloween are in for a treat, thanks to the launch of the Sexy Boris Johnson Halloween costume.

In the bizarre tradition of women have to tart up for a holiday-themed around ghosts and ghouls, everyone thought that society had reached peak-ridiculousness with a sexy Handmaid’s Tale outfit.

“Yes, that was bad, but this is so much worse,” beamed evil marketing executive, Simon Williams.

“Imagine Boris Johnson with tits – I mean female tits – and a mini skirt. That’s what’s on offer here. It’s absolutely fantastic.

“With the outfit comes a sexy blonde wig, Boris Johnson face mask – if they want to wear it – suit jacket, blue tie and a permanently unironed shirt.

“And on the lower half, there’s a really short skirt and some stockings, obviously. Because it’s Halloween and this costume is for women who need to look sexy at Halloween.

Consumer, Hayley Rice, said, “I just did a little sick in my mouth. Yep. That’s vomit. Thank you.”

“I mean…I don’t want to kink-shame anyone – consenting adults should be free to enjoy whatever they want behind closed doors – but who in their right mind would find this even remotely appealing?”

“PHWAOR!” commented a fully erect Jacob Rees-Mogg.

“Now that’s just the ticket. Makes one proud to be British and eager for sexual relations – the latter obviously being what women’s Halloween costumes are all about.

“I predict that this Halloween’s, all of the young women will be slutting it up in a Johnson. Mark my words.”

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