Democratically elected leader of first world country announces ‘do it my way or f*ck off into oblivion’

author avatar by 6 years ago

Theresa May has today announced that she has decided how Brexit will pan out and that if anyone tries to sway her, she will turn the UK into a starving wasteland of spite.

Claiming to have the full backing of the spirits of Saddam Hussein, Colonel Gadaffi, Pol Pot and Margaret Thatcher, the PM has stated that if Parliament does not ratify the Chequers plan, she will cast the country into the fires of hell and it will serve them right.

Despite having a number of options available to her, including looking at a Customs Partnership, which would rectify many of the issues that she seems to be concerned about, Mrs May is determined to do it “her way or the highway”.

Speaking to us today, a source close to the Prime Minister has cast some light onto why she might have taken such a hard stance.

“Fundamentally, the PM has realised that Dominic Raab is essentially a waste of a pair of underpants and hasn’t got anyone of any substance to replace him. So she has just thought ‘sod it, we’re buggered anyway, so we might as well be buggered my way, and quickly.”

However, Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has criticised the timing of her decision, saying, ‘Theresa May has wasted the last two years of negotiations.

“The offer for us to be completely and utterly buggered was on the table from the very beginning of this process, and only now is she accepting it. If we had been in charge, we would have acted much more quickly and we would have been well into the post-buggering recovery stage by now. It’s a disgrace.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!