I’m not sulking, I’m brooding, explains man

A man who has been sat silently in the spare room for over an hour following an argument with his spouse has confirmed that, actually, he is not sulking, he’s brooding.

Simon Williams, an unemployed housefly wrangler from Tooting, retired to the spare room after a heated exchange with his spouse on the topic of visiting her brother in Glossop to see the new conservatory he’s had fitted.

Following a shouted query as to how long he intends to spend sulking in the dark, Mr Williams replied that he was not sulking he was brooding.

“I don’t sulk, I brood,” said Mr Williams, tersely.

“I don’t know why she says I sulk, you wouldn’t look at Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront giving his ‘I could have been a contender speech’ and go ‘oh, there goes Marlon, sulking again’.

“He was brooding. I am brooding.”

However, Mr Williams’ wife had a different take.

“He always goes on about Marlon Brando when he’s having a big sulk.

“He goes and shuts himself in that room in the dark, spends an hour sulking and when I tell him to get over himself, he says he’s like Marlon Brando and brooding and whatnot.

“And I have to open that window cos the whole room stinks of his farts.

“You can’t tell me Marlon Brando built a career on sulking and farting.”

It is expected that Mr Williams will leave the spare room with a big sigh and a quiet acceptance that the world simply doesn’t understand him.

Then he’ll go to his brother-in-law’s.

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