Government caught adding googly eyes to Brexit plan to make it appear ‘fresher’

author avatar by 6 years ago

The government has been accused of adding googly eyes to their Brexit proposals in an attempt to trick consumers into thinking the ideas are fresh.

With accusations that the government’s current plans are stale, and ‘dead in the water’, it seems Whitehall staff have attempted to reinvigorate them by giving the impression they are actually both healthy and vibrant.

“If it can work for fish, it can definitely work for poorly thought through political positions that have no chance of succeeding,” explained one government worker Simon Williams.

However, another source told us, “It came about because of a brainstorming meeting in which the Department for Exiting the EU asked for ideas to put some life back into their position.

“But in the end it just looks like a badly designed A4 document with a pair of Googly eyes stuck on it.

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“If this is the idea they actually went with, I can only imagine the stuff they rejected.”

Williams told us, “Rejected? Well, everyone was pretty keen on the idea to get Dominic Raab to challenge Michel Barnier to throw a kettle over a pub, with the winner getting what they wanted from the Brexit negotiations.

“But then someone pointed out that Barnier has quite long arms which could give him an advantage, so we reverted back to the googly eyes.”

Boris Johnson is said to be furious at the googly eyes plan, telling friends that behaving like an idiot is ‘his thing’, and that Dominic Raab needs to get his own routine.

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