Boris Johnson successfully gets in the news

Sociopathic lunatic and Tory backbencher Boris Johnson has succeeded in getting in both print and television news.

Mr Johnson used a collection of words in a newspaper column that were arranged in such a fashion as to cause both offence to normal people and to generate enthusiasm in idiots.

Newspapers and television news have decided that his act constitutes ‘news’, and reported it as such, just as Mr Johnson had hoped they would.

“Well, that was a piece of piss,” Johnson told friends after seeing the coverage.

“I’m on holiday right now, and even from miles away I can still get in the news. I’m brilliant at this. In fact, I might get in the news tomorrow.

“Hang on, I’d better do a random collection of words in Latin so I stay on brand. Um, abundantia parilis ebullio – that’ll do.”

The words that constituted news concerned a woman’s right to wear some clothes. Mr Johnson took the opportunity to confirm that he didn’t believe in the sentiment expressed by the words.

“No, I don’t believe in those words.

“I don’t really believe in anything other than the fact that I should be Prime Minister and possibly even Emperor of the World, should the position become available.

“The words were purely designed to get me in the news, which they did. Perfectly.”

It is thought that when Mr Johnson’s words are no longer deemed newsworthy, he will conjure up another collection of words that are deemed newsworthy and get back in the news.