Nobody using their own Netflix account

author avatar by 4 years ago

A new survey conducted by streaming giant Netflix has revealed that most of its viewers are using somebody else’s account to watch films and TV on the platform.

“Lots of people keep signing up and our viewer numbers keep rising but it seems that not a single one of our users is actually logged into an account that belongs to them,” says spokesperson Lydia McCullen.

“But so long as we’ve still got millions of people out there paying £8 a month for an aggressively mediocre selection of movies and boxsets then we don’t care who is using whose account.”

By far the most common Netflix user is the “freeloader”. These individuals will spend days casting their net far and wide in search of an account they can join.

“It took me a while to track this one down, but I’m currently using my flatmate’s aunt’s stepson’s girlfriend’s account,” explains Max, 23.

“I have no idea who Jody is, but she’s totally cool with me using her account. I’ve heard she’s using her colleague’s cousin’s anyway so there’s never a clash if we want to watch GLOW at the same time.”

Jody is just one of millions who pay for a subscription but who prefer to make use of a different account.

Alex, 30, signed up 6 years ago to watch mafia-comedy Lillyhammer and hasn’t logged on since.

“I can’t be arsed to keep updating my ‘to watch list’, but I’m now on my mate Jake’s account and he’s very diligent about that sort of thing even though he’s never actually watched anything on Netflix.

“I think my ex still uses mine — it’s probably the least I can do for her after I slept with both of her sisters on consecutive Christmases.”

But for some, using another’s Netflix account is a meaningful way of transcending geographical and cultural boundaries.

Helen, 25, lives in London, but her Netflix account is owned by a family currently residing in Mumbai.

“We had an Indian family stay in our flat as an Airbnb and they left themselves logged into Netflix on our smart TV.

“It’s just so eye-opening to see that people on the other side of the world whose lives are so different to my own, got bored of Suits and stopped watching at Season 5 episode 9 exactly like I did.”