Scientists find strong causal link between being a stupid prick and denying Climate Change

author avatar by 5 years ago

Scientists have, for the first time, found ‘smoking gun’ evidence that being a stupid prick is responsible for Climate Change denial.

As the sunnier parts of the northern hemisphere continue to burn and the very existence of ABBA is threatened by arctic wildfires – something they didn’t f*cking cover in the Mamma Mia sequel – pricks were last night strongly implicated in talking bullshit in pubs and vomiting up erroneous opinions.

Meanwhile Leading Climate Change expert, Simon Williams, and his team, published their findings, which indicate being a prick leads to Climate Change denial, just as surely as being in The Jam leads to being in The Style Council.

“Let us be absolutely clear. Being at odds with ninety-nine percent of scientists and the entire history of rational thought does not automatically make you a prick, but there is a higher proportion of pricks engaging in that sort of behaviour,” he told us.

“Fortunately for us, stupid pricks are easily recognisable. They say things like ‘well it’s much cooler today, so how do you explain that?’ and ‘you people conveniently ignore any data that doesn’t fit your theories’.

“Of course, pricks were around during the drought of 1976 when Climate Change wasn’t such a hot topic, but back then they were busy denying things like ‘smoking causes cancer’, ‘speed bumps save lives’ and ‘acid reflux causes untold human misery’.

“To prove my hypothesis, let’s take a look at some prominent tools who make a habit of denying what is staring them in the fucking face.”

“Dominic Lawson – maybe not stupid, but definitely a prick.

“Sarah Palin – awful, moose-hunting, stupid prick.

“Nigel Farage – ‘prick’ just about covers it.

“Slaven Bilić – he hasn’t said anything about Climate Change as far as I’m aware, I just don’t like him.

“Donald Trump – ‘prick’ is too soft a word for this septic, planet-heating c*nt.”

He added, “There – if that’s not proof of a strong, causal link then I don’t know what is.

“So put that in your pipe and smoke it – preferably not in the vicinity of an expansive area of parched grassland.”