Santa Claus definitely a paedophile, insists Elon Musk

Technology billionaire Elon Musk has extended his reputation for sniffing out paedophiles by accusing Santa Claus of f*cking the very kids he claims to be benefitting.

Just hours after accusing the British diver who helped save the Thai boys stuck in a cave of being a paedo, Musk insisted there was no possible reason why a man of Santa’s age should be secretly visiting children in the night, unless he wanted to fuck them.

Musk told his millions of Twitter followers, “I’m just saying it’s strange that the only time Santa visits children is when they are sleeping. It’s almost like he doesn’t want them to remember his visit, and what he did while he was in their house.

“I mean, it’s such a coincidence, don’t you think? Catching an elderly man in a child’s bedroom and he just ‘happens’ to be there to deliver gifts. Is nobody else suspicious about that?

“I’m calling it. He’s a nonce, and soon the floodgates will open with allegations.

“You watch, I will be proven right.”

Jake Williams, 9, said the accusations against Santa made a lot of sense to him.

He told us, “I asked him for a new bike last Christmas, and the spiteful twat only got me a pair of goalkeeping gloves, which was especially mean considering that my Dad lost his job in the run-up to Christmas as well.

“So yeah, if it means I can get back at that dodgy old sod, tell Elon I’m happy to tell people he touched me.”

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