Jason Cundy makes wife wear ‘voice-changing mask’ around the house

author avatar by 6 years ago

Former ‘footballer’ Jason Cundy, who this week said that he can’t stand high-pitched women commentating on football matches, said that he was not being ‘unreasonable’ by forcing his wife, Hannah, to wear a device that makes her sound like Brian Blessed at home.

Cundy, who made an average of 12 appearances per season throughout his illustrious career, admitted yesterday that, even if a commentator is well informed, professional and knowledgeable about the game, he isn’t interested in listening to them if they don’t have a penis.

“It’s true that I just don’t like female voices, they grate on me. Hannah is happy to wear the mask and even wears it in bed, so that when I disappoint her, she sighs in a real blokey way, not like a whining woman.

“She even wore it under her veil when we got married. When she growled “I do’, I was the happiest man alive and she sounded like she was as well.”

Appearing on breakfast television yesterday, Cundy was branded a ‘sexist pig’ by Piers Morgan, but said that he didn’t really mind that.

“It was no problem, because he said it in a nice, deep voice, really manly. It was lovely.”

It is even thought that Cundy could be up for a TV award following the interview, as he is the first person ever to have appeared in the same studio as Piers Morgan and still been the biggest dick in there.

Once it became apparent that his views may affect his career as a pundit, Cundy apologised nine hours later, saying that he didn’t think bad things anymore.