Miserable arsehole insisting England should have got seven

Patriotic misanthrope Simon Williams is telling anyone who’ll listen today that England should have got at least seven goals against lowly Panama.

Despite a record-breaking 6-1 win that saw them become the top scorers in the tournament so far, and England captain Harry Kane lead the charge for the golden boot, Williams is sure it’s nothing more than a sign of the abject failure to come.

He told those in his office this morning, “Do you think Belgium would have stopped playing like that at 6-0?  Of course they wouldn’t, they’d have gone for the jugular – and that’s why we’ll never get anywhere in International football with this bunch of wasters.

“Proper footballers would have put Panama to the sword, not let them score a bloody consolation goal. It was embarrassing.

“I don’t care if Belgium only beat them 3-0, if Belgium had been 6-0 up they would have kept going and probably got 9 or 10, that’s my point.”

Colleagues of Williams have said this is par for the course where he and anything that brings his coworkers any joy is concerned.

As one told us, “Yeah, he’s a bit of an arse. He tends to suck the joy out of every possible situation, regardless of how happy everyone is.

“Last year we all got a decent end of year bonus, but he convinced everyone it was probably a sweetener from the management before we all got laid off in the New Year – worst Christmas party ever.

“I think the only time I’ve ever seen him smile was the day after England got beat by Iceland and he went around telling everyone ‘see, I bloody told you’.”

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