American humans enjoy final day of having rights

Human beings in America are set to enjoy the last day of having human rights before Donald Trump pulls them out of that liberal, biased, bunch of pussy-ass do-gooders – the UN Human Rights Council.

It is understood that Mr Trump is angry with the council because it has been defending the basic human right of a child not being separated from its parents, and separating children from their parents is currently one of Mr Trump’s favourite things to do.

There are also said to be other basic human rights that Mr Trump has objections to, like the right not to be shot in school as enshrined in Article 3 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights – ‘Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person’.

People across the country were planning to spend today enjoying their human rights whilst they still had a chance.

“I’ll probably just spend today being considered innocent until proven guilty,” said Chuck Williams, an unemployed hamster-wrangler from Wisconsin.

“I’ve actually taken the day off,” said Eleanor Gay, a single Mum of nine and Professor of theoretical physics.

“I’m going to spend it believing in whatever religions I want, and then having an opinion that I can express freely.”

However, President Trump has claimed that although he wants to leave the UN Council on Human Rights, he still fully believes in human rights.

“I think human rights are a good thing, a very good thing. A very important thing,” he confirmed.

“They’re just not for everyone.”

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