David Davis hoping showing up to Brexit negotiations without any trousers on is just a dream

David Davis is sitting opposite Michael Barnier without any trousers on today and hoping with all his might that this is just a dream.

David, who arrived at today’s round of meetings without having done any preparation whatsoever, is understood to have looked down and realised his predicament five minutes before the meeting started, but has still been unable to fight the compulsion to carry on regardless.

“Nobody has said anything, so it’s pretty clear this is all in my head and I’ll wake up soon,” he told himself whilst trying to argue his way through a particularly tricky problem regarding the Irish border post-Brexit.

“It’s like the night before an exam when you have a dream where you’ve not done your homework and all your teeth fall out, but then when you wake up everything is actually okay.

“Same thing here, I’m sure. I’ll wake up any minute now. Any…minute…now.

“Still. At our meeting tomorrow I’ve got an idea I plan to introduce, it will manage the border issue such that will only cost three times as much as our annual EU payment. That should impress them.”

When asked, Michael Barnier said he thought Mr Davis’ behaviour was unusual, but at least it wasn’t as bad as last week when he failed to negotiate his choice of fillings in Subway.

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