Homeless people sleeping on the streets near Windsor castle have come up with a cunning plan to avoid being moved on by police, the crafty beggars.
With pressure on the local authority to ensure that the royal wedding on Saturday isn’t spoilt by unsightly street-sleepers, police have been scraping homeless people off the floor and sending them down the road to more appropriate locations for unsavoury characters, like Slough.
Local Tory councillor Christopher James told us, “We’ve done a pretty good job of removing the worst offenders, but we seriously suspect that some homeless people are trying to avoid being removed, for some reason that we can’t quite fathom.
“Which is weird, because one street is pretty much the same as any other, right?
“Anyway, I think some of them are posing as royal wedding enthusiasts and pretending to be part of the expectant crowd, by draping the union flag over themselves or wearing a daft ‘Harry and Meghan 2018’ hat.
“Anyone witnessing this sort of behaviour is encouraged to contact the police immediately, so that we can remove them forthwith.”
Homeless man Simon remarked, “Literally the only difference between us and the idiots sleeping outside for a glimpse of the royal couple in a few days time is that they chose this life.
“A couple of my mates have managed to hide themselves in the crowd, but it’s not for me.
“I’d rather be locked up for a night or forced to live on the streets in Reading than have to spend any time with those fanatical lunatics.”