The President of the United States has said in a speech in front of the National Rifle Association that UK hospitals were awash with blood and were a “war zone” of knife wounds.
The claims were made in response to a report that almost certainly didn’t read but maybe heard a comment about it on Fox news or something.
In the report it is claimed that knife incidents have reached epidemic proportions in London, something that the President was sure wouldn’t happen if everyone replaced their knives with guns.
Further details from the report stated that the knives – or “scalpels” as they are known on the streets – are wielded by “Surgeons” who are allowed to commit their terrible acts in their hospitals without even the slightest attempt at intervention from an armed member of the public.
He claimed that the complacency to knife incidents has reached such levels that the assailants even have their own “Operating” rooms where they repeatedly stab their victims and often spill blood all over the floor – some of the more sickening incidents see people losing entire organs.
Clean up crews are required to wash down the rooms with frightening regularity before the next knife attack occurs.
The President praised the actions of the NRA for their efforts in ensuring everyone in America was armed with handguns and automatic rifles to protect themselves from knife crime.
He told a delighted NRA crowd that if everyone going into a hospital had a gun, then none of this “surgery” would ever happen.