Vice President Mike Pence has leapt into action to cure Macron and prevent President Trump catching any gayness after he was kissed on the cheeks by the French president yesterday.
There were horrifying scenes at the White House yesterday as Emmanuel Macron, a man, suddenly went all crazy and kissed Trump, believed to be male, on both cheeks.
“This sort of behaviour will not be tolerated, no siree, not on my watch,” fumed an incensed Mike Pence.
“We thought this Macron fella was, you know, one of ‘us’. A good, straight, red-blooded male capable only of god-fearing blokey type things. And yet he kissed Trump – not once, but twice!”
He went on, “Isn’t this Macron fella married to a woman? That doesn’t make any sense. I’m so confused. Is he undercover for the gays?
“But I’ve been praying for him and his eternal soul, because as everyone knows, God sends all the gays to Hell – especially the ones who go and about it in public – and I’ve also prayed that Donald won’t have caught any gay or anything nasty.
“Thank goodness the kiss wasn’t on the lips – I have heard from my church group that you can die if a man kisses you on the lips.
“I mean, I’ve never been to France or anything, but I’d bet my bottom dollar that men don’t go around kissing each other.”
An aide to Mr Macron has confirmed to us that he fully intends to continue kissing Trump on the cheeks just ‘for shits and giggles’.