An office worker who took a spoonful of cough medicine during his lunch-hour last Friday continues to insist that his PC is ‘heavy machinery.’
Simon Williams, a desk jockey from Romford, said he’d been feeling a ‘bit chesty’ before taking the medicine and reading the associated instructions.
“The label on the bottle made clear that I shouldn’t drink alcohol, drive or operate heavy machinery. I don’t want to be a danger to myself or anyone, so I don’t know what option I have other than to go home and rest up until the side effects have completely worn off.
“It was sheer coincidence that I happened to notice this warning just after a shit-ton of work was put in my in-tray.
“Now, admittedly you wouldn’t normally classify a work PC as heavy machinery. However, just like a JCB, my work computer is big, ugly and frequently crashes.
However, not everyone has been persuaded that using spreadsheets and sending emails while under the influence of cough syrup is ‘dangerous’.
“Basically, he’s talking bollocks,” said Nev Burke, Mr Williams’ long-suffering supervisor.
“Look, I would know if he was ill, and he didn’t even have a cough.
“It’s not the first time he’s done something like this either. Last December, he spent two days off work after claiming that he’d accidentally overdosed on homeopathic remedies.
“Although, to be fair to Simon, the medicine he took last week did have some observable side-effects,” admitted Mr Burke.
“It gave him the worst case of verbal diarrhoea I’ve ever seen.”