Unfortunate motorists stuck overnight on motorways in the snow will be charged council tax for ‘residing’ in the area.
Tory councillor and capitalist bastard Simon Williams, said, “I hate to sound callous. Well, that’s not true: I actually love to sound callous, it’s part of who I am. But anyway, these people, however much they did not plan to, have been officially residing on these motorways for this period of inclement weather.
“Thus, they have entered into an unwritten contract with the government and are liable for an appropriate council tax charge.
“Obviously, the charge will differ depending upon which band your car is in. Smug Tory bastards – of which I am one – will be charged a mammoth amount for sitting there in their unnecessary 4x4s, even though they are entirely necessary at this time.
“We are not entirely without heart though, and any person in a car on their own can claim the single person’s discount.
“Let’s not forget, this rampant monetisation of everything is what the ordinary folk voted for by proxy of electing a Tory government in 2015 and again last year. So we know that it’s exactly what they want.
“In order to generate as much cash as humanly possible, going forward, we will be monetising everything inhumanly possible, including snow that lands in your garden, the air you breathe and, hopefully, the vacuum of space; because there is loads of that.”
Next year will see the introduction of the controversial ‘Proton Surcharge’, where UK citizens will be charged for every proton in their body and immediate locality.