Couples everywhere are today required to participate in a greeting card company mandated day of romance.
At least one, but preferably both members of the couple will be required to purchase a piece of card and place it in an envelope. The other member of the couple will the open the envelope and look at the card.
The official guidelines state that the piece of card should be pink or red in colour.
The card should contain a pre-printed, standard all-purpose message of bland affectionate greeting such as ‘I think you’re lovely,’ or ‘you’re attractive’.
‘Kooky’ variations for ‘kooky’ people will be tolerated provided they do not stray too far from the bland’ for example ‘you’re fat and stupid, but I still think you’re lovely,’ or ‘your penis is fine, and you’re attractive’.
The option is available for the member of the couple to add a personalised message of affection to the piece of card.
Some people may decide to add no personalised message to the piece of card in an attempt to engender a sense of mystery. This is acceptable but tends to be more successful in polyamorous relationships.
Once the mandatory day of romance has been completed, there will be no further requirement for romance for another twelve months.
Have a blandly affectionate valentines day.