Donald Trump suddenly really quiet about the stock market for some reason

author avatar by 6 years ago

The Dow Jones lost it’s largest same-day number of points in history yesterday, in what the markets are calling ‘Orange Monday’.

The President, who has spent the last year and a half regularly tweeting that large gains in the markets are entirely due to his singular genius, went mysteriously quiet yesterday as the DJIA lost 1,500 points in late trading.

The naming of the event defies usual stock market convention, which has in the past gone with ‘Black Monday’, ‘Black Tuesday’ and ‘Black Thursday’.

“There are several possibilities as to what caused the crash,” said investment specialist Simon Williams.

“Top of the list is the Trump Tax Cut, which reduces the possibility the USA will ever pay its national debt meaning they’ll have to raise rates and also will hit their debt ceiling earlier risking another government shutdown.

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“Others are saying the $XIV EFT blowing up forced an overexposed big player into liquidating a large position.

“However, we believe the most likely cause is the markets thinking ‘Fuck you, you dayglo baboon’ and selling off just to remind the President who is actually boss.”

When asked to comment, The White House said the President will be issuing a statement blaming Hillary Clinton this afternoon.

Bitcoin traders have sneered at the drop in the markets, saying they’ve seen bigger falls between maths and history lessons.