Hipster cafe properly f*cks up a bacon butty

author avatar by 6 years ago

A local hipster cafe has turned a perfectly good bacon butty into a sourdough bloomer topped with ham slivers, thereby ruining the whole thing.

The sandwich, which cost £12.95, was described as ‘traditional’ despite being served on a piece of ethically-sourced Welsh slate with the cafe name acid-etched into it.

Made out of organic, griddle-cooked belly cuts, the meal came with 28-day old sun-dried tomato jus in a little pot instead of proper ketchup in a squeezy plastic tomato like a butty served by normal people.

“What we’re trying to do is deconstruct the butty to its fundamental essence and then rebuild it to serve the needs of the 21st century,” said cafe owner Simon Williams, who thinks it reasonable to charge people £4.50 for a bowl of Frosties in the middle of the afternoon.

“What I’m doing is I’m asking what a bacon butty actually is, and what it means to our customers, both physically and spiritually, and how it affects the society they live in, so that I can really make a statement when I serve it to them.”

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When asked what he thought of the creative presentation, first-time customer Daz Morris said that the bacon butty is his fucking lunch, so if you could just stop poncing about and hand it over that would be great as he’s got to be back on the sodding site in twenty minutes.

“And make sure you don’t lose any of the black crunchy bits the meat gets off the pan,” he said. “They’re magic.”

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