A drinks reception sponsored by the Department for Exiting the European Union at the Southwark Brewing Company in South London last night was not entirely successful, government sources admitted.
“We planned to have about 5,000 people to celebrate our progress with Brexit,” said Simon Williams, a senior DexEU civil servant, who has since resigned in order to retrain as a primary school teacher.
DexEU particularly wanted to mark Philip Hammond saying that MPs won’t know the full details of the withdrawal plans they vote on a day after David Davis said they would, and the impending non-availability of dirty foreign cancer drugs in Britain.
Williams went on, “Unfortunately, none of the 1,700 invited personally by Mr Davis turned up because he had put the wrong date on the ticket.
“Only a few dozen of Jacob Rees-Mogg’s guests came, which was possibly linked to him translating the invite into Latin and sent it out by carrier pigeon.
“And most of the other ministers came late because they thought it was at the place in Mortlake you see on the Boat Race, but it turns out that closed two years ago.
“Though it’s maybe just as well, since the actual venue has a fire safety limit of 200.”
The event briefly came to life when Boris Johnson arrived at 10 pm accompanied by three scared-looking girls in tight black dresses he met at a recent charity dinner.
However, chaos broke out when a Polish man wandered in off the street and helped himself to two pints before being spotted and lynched.
In a statement, David Davis said, “No-one ever said organising a piss-up in a brewery was going to be easy. I’m not going to be put off by lefty Remain-soberer snowflakes talking Britain down.”