How do I file a country for bankruptcy, asks Donald Trump

author avatar by 6 years ago

With the US government in a shutdown as the working week began today, President Trump has asked advisers on the quickest and easiest way to file an entire country for bankruptcy.

According to sources at the White House, the bloated amber dictator has expressed an interest in declaring the Trump-run United States as bankrupt, in much the same way as his many previous failed casino, hotel and business endeavours.

“He just wants to be able to walk away from yet another failed attempt to be successful in a field he doesn’t really understand,” explained White House aide Chuck Williams.

“Trump has done this before, although admittedly not quite on this scale, with the likes of Trump Vodka, Trump University, and those three casinos in Atlantic City which all failed but somehow left him still able to walk away with his head held high.

“I mean, how can you run a casino and lose money? The saying is literally ‘the house always wins’ – perhaps it should add ‘unless Donald Trump owns it’.

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“With hindsight that casino failure should have sounded some alarm bells during his presidential campaign.”

Mr Williams continued, “Between ordering his third and fourth Big Mac this morning I heard him phone his accountant and leave a message about declaring the US as bankrupt and walking away from it all, but as we thought it safest to unplug the Oval Office phone and replace it with a fake one on the first day of his presidency, he might be waiting a while for a response.”

The White House switchboard did reportedly receive one voicemail this morning from a Russian sounding gentleman offering a ‘helping hand’, but with all government staff forced to take unpaid leave due to the shutdown and Trump unable to operate such complicated technology, the call has been ignored.