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An annual appraisal which delivered a stinging rebuke of Simon Williams’ performance over the last twelve months has been dismissed as fake news this morning.
Williams, a salesman at a mid-sized software company sat down to review his performance with senior management shortly after 9 am this morning.
However, as Williams explained to his colleagues after the 90-minute meeting where his failings were laid out in length in front of him, “It’s so sad, this has been the best year, it’s been so good, but all they want to do is spread fake news about targets and quotas and lead generation.
“I’ve brought in so many deals, the best deals, but they keep repeating the lies that I’m only at 30% of my target and I need to go on a performance improvement plan.
“I was responsible for all the great deals we did this year. Those sales guys Dave and Jon reckon they closed them, but really it was me, and I’m the one who should be getting all the plaudits for making them happen.
Without The Simon, this business would be failing, just like it was before I joined.
“I alone can make this company great again.”
Management at the firm said Simon’s new approach to communicating with his colleagues was the first thing they brought up during his appraisal.
They told us, “We kinda hoped Fox News no longer broadcasting in the UK would curb it a bit – but it hasn’t.
“Either he takes on board our feedback, or he’ll be gone by summer. He can cry fake news all he likes when security is refusing to let him in the front door.”
