If a rotund septuagenarian on a fast food diet is your definition of ‘excellent health’, is it any wonder that the country is struggling with an obesity epidemic, the United States has been told today.
After Naval doctors declared Donald Trump to be in ‘excellent health’, the entire world has looked again at a photo of him and finally realised why America has such a terrible obesity problem.
“It’s because they think rich and fat is OK,” explained Chuck Williams who apparently studies this sort of thing.
“It’s like the ancient Greeks, where overweight people were revered and the portly look became a sign of wealth. In today’s America, many millions of people want to be Trump, so he’s become the definition of success – complete with his waistline.
“The Trump diet of soda and fast food with no exercise is one that in American terms is ‘healthy’, in the same way that in American terms wandering the street with a handgun strapped to your belt is ‘healthy’.
“Sure, most developed nations in the world would put you on some sort of programme to wean you off such bad behaviour, but in Trump’s America, it’s celebrated.”
Trump fan Dr Patricia Fokernacker told us, “He is in great shape. The best shape. He could easily run a marathon and suplex Hulk Hogan because he’s in such great shape.
“The fact that 37% of Americans are clinically obese or unable to afford healthcare, just makes President Trump look even healthier by comparison. The worse American healthcare gets, the more ‘above average’ Trump’s health becomes. Win-win.”
However, upon hearing a medical professional declare that reducing his fast food intake could see him ‘live to be 200 years old’, a clearly shocked Melania Trump was overheard ordering five buckets of fried chicken to be delivered to the White House.