David Davis desperately hoping for new job in Cabinet reshuffle

author avatar by 5 years ago

Unthinking man’s idiot David Davis is desperately hoping for a new job in Theresa May’s upcoming cabinet reshuffle.

After rumours abounded that he is extremely likely to keep his job as Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, Davis fell to his knees and wailed like a little child who’s left a beloved teddy bear on the train.

Davis said, “I know I’m not the brightest match in the pack, but I’ve been utterly loyal to the core. For that, she’s rewarded me by leaving me in charge of that Brexit thingy. That’s no way to reward my unwavering loyalty.

“The ideal way to reward my loyalty would be to NOT leave me in charge of the Brexit thingy! Let someone else do it. It’s time for me to do something – ANYTHING – else!

“I’ll do literally anything else! Take the bins out. Sweep the floors. I’ll happily even pick the tissues up after Damien Green’s finished in his office. Anything but negotiate Brexit.

“Please Theresa. Pleeeeeeeaaaseeeeeeee!!!”

Theresa May was unavailable for comment, though megalomaniacal laughter was heard from her office.